What a waste of TIME!

The TIME 100 list of Most Influential People in the World is out. This year, rather than honoring our Army Cheif Gen. Pervez Kiyani, TIME has honored the Intelligence Chief Lt. Gen. Ahmed Shuja Pasha. Now, that is what we call a class example of narrow-mindedness and self-serving attitude. The write-up for Pasha was written by Michael Hayden, a former CIA director. In his write-up, Hayden has portrayed Pasha as a cause of all troubles in the South Asia. The article of Hayden is also a nice example of bigotry - in his open lines, he ran Pasha down the mud and in the ending lines, anticipating him to play "nice". Having Lt. Gen. Pasha in that list is no matter of honor. It shows that the centers of influence in American cannot see anything other than their ongoing 'constipation' aka The War of Terror. Later this year, a decade would end for the war in Afghanistan but it seems that the war will never end. The war would have been won if Bush would have not meddled with Iraq. Waging two 'genocidal' wars not only destabilized the region but his act of cleansing out the evil-doers backfired. Furthermore, the war against terror has turned into the war feeding terror as the most causalities in this war have never been Americans, they have been Pakistani. Our public and government is considered 'a partner' but it never shows like that in the American media. The American media is been fairly unbiased and unfriendly in this whole blood game of war.

On the flip side, the question arises that are we producing influential leaders or not. My answer to this is "Yes" and "No". Pakistan has its share of its good influence. We have examples like Edhi who helps people not only in his country but also outside Pakistan. We have the example of Imran Khan who energized the much required relief efforts in Pakistan and prohibited to make much of an political issue out of it. We have the example of Shahid Afridi who united the country, locally and internationally, and brought the cricket team back into the semi-final against arch-nemesis India and even after losing against India, he handled defeat. Thanks to Mr. Afridi, there is more cricket on the streets and on the grounds more than ever. How about mentioning Aisam-ul-Haq Qureshi along with Rohan Bopanna? Both of the guys showed a perfect example of co-existential harmony. Sadly, nobody will see these in these lights because us Pakistanis would like to talk about the good we have. Indeed, Pakistan is a troubled country but it still has the pocket of goodness. The reason of I said "No" because not a single write-up has been written by a Pakistani in the TIME 100. If music producer like B.O.B can write a appraising piece for Bruno Mars, why can't we? Surely we would have better example and TIME would not have to include Justin Bieber and Blake Lively in the list for the sake of 'influence'.

Express all you want but the News is that it never DAWNed upon you that the real name is TRIBUNE.

One year ago, Pakistani English newspaper scene became suddenly different when Express Tribune entered. The promise was good and it had weight. Coupled with the esteemed International Herald Tribune, the paper made a lot of sense. However, as the time passed, the paper just became empty content-wise. Celebrities were writing op-eds about why they should be burgers. George ka Pakistan gave all his critique but never gave any solutions. Very few of Express Tribune op-ed writers give very honest advice to solve problems. Other than that, it has opinions for the sake of having opinions.

The second week of April was the celebratory week for Express Tribune. A celebratory supplement was released and a separate section was given on the website for this very purpose. But, in all honesty, Express Tribune were not humble. Rather than reflecting on what they have achieved, they were getting a bit too full of themselves. While getting full of yourself is not a major sin but loosing track of your reality is tradegic. On their website, the section of Jobs next to Anniversary has not been updated for quite a while; as I have observed, there have been no entries since April 8th.

Drama kar kay GEO!

Just like the Fukushima nuclear plant, Pakistan is just so unstable these days. The economy is failing, the governance is bad and people die every day. Everything is such a mess and it is all government's fault because we were pious enough as we do not vote properly. And then when we thought, we had a chance in the game of cricket. We found out that they "sold" us. And to top it all, GEO Super was "closed" followed by AAG TV. Haye! Pakistan ka ab kia hoga!

Yes, two weeks ago, Pakistan suffered a mini-apocalypse of epic proportions. GEO Super was "closed" and all hell broke loose. It was as if the whole moral fiber of our society just dissolved. From humans, we have turned into animals or maybe aliens. GEO Super was the reason why we played sports. Did we? Bolo, jawab do. Give a license. Sign a petition. Kuch karo!

And if that seemed not enough, then the poor, very innocent AAG TV, the NAUJAWANO ka channel (channel for the YOUTH), was pulled off-air. Yes, it is an attack on youth empowerment. No one has the idea how much people will miss Baaji Online? Not to talk about how Indian Pakistani was with its music line-up. Haye! Bhuj gayee aag!

I want my Aleph Bay Tay

Recently, a blogger on Express Tribune wrote:

A BBC News report stated that USAID has made a grant of $20 million to Rafi Peer Theater group to create a local version of Sesame Street. The setting is a rural village and the protagonist a spirited little girl named Rani.

This report should be in the Onion or get a rotten tomato.

BBC News reported something like this:

The remake will star a puppet called Rani, the six-year-old daughter of a peasant farmer, with pigtails and a school uniform, according to Britain's Guardian newspaper.

In her blog post, the blogger complained that USD 20 million is a big price to pay for a show like Sesame Street. She retorted:

But why does one need $20 million to make a culturally specific Urdu version of a show?  These are expensive episodes and must be studded with diamonds. A cost breakdown would be intriguing to audit.

It seems that the blogger missed out on some minute (sort of crucial) detail, there was a link to Guardian's report in the BBC News report that she mentioned at the start of her blog post. If she would have clicked the link, she would have read the paragraph that I am quoting next:

The USD 20 million grant will produce the Pakistani Sesame Street for four years, with 78 episodes in Urdu and 56 in regional languages, a radio show, mobile TV vans to show the programme in remote areas and a travelling Muppet roadshow.

Now, lets do the math here. A USD 20 million grant for four years which means USD 5 million per year. The grant is not only for the TV show but it is active-literacy program. Furthermore, as an employee of a publishing company, I know that producing children content is the most expensive.

Simsim Hamara (Our Sesame) would not be just copy-paste idea. It is being developed from stratch, which means it will require a lot of new things. There would be new sets, new puppets and new people. There would be training costs involved as well as special writers would be commissioned. Developing children content is not very easy as it seems. In a world of television filled with sauce, blood and bomb, this localized Sesame Street might be the only outlet of entertainment for the children of Pakistan.

Sesame Street is not just a TV program but it has turned into education resource tool. Localized Sesame Street programs have worked all over the world. Simsimpur, the Bengali version of Sesame Street, was also commissioned by USAid in 2005. A Dhaka-based study in 2007 concluded that Simsimpur worked as children who watched the show had better socio-cultural skills than the ones who did not watch it. Galli Galli Sim Sim, the Indian version, was also financed by USAid along with the local partnership of ICICI Bank. It has been proven to help India with pre-schooling and reinforcing local traditions. Furthermore, Koche Simsim, the Afghani version which was developed in Egypt, is shown in school. It helps schools with the teaching of Dari.

I do not see where the doubt should lie when this system has helped all over the region. Furthermore, a rapid-developing country like China has also re-introduced a version of Sesame Street in order to propagate the Mandarin language. Indeed, schools with breakfast is good alternative but it does not work in a country where school buildings are used as stables or barnyard. Furthermore, food-based programming have been started numerous times but they never seemed to work due to corruption. Feeding children as a reward for going school might not be the answer for this country. Moreover, the ongoing war against terrorism has caused a lot of communities to shift. We saw the same thing when the floods came last year. Simsim Hamara would be able to address the educational needs of these children, more clearly.

For years, we have seen bombs and business coming in for our country from the US. However, the true benefits of it never reached the grass-root level. It is the first time that a very serious approach is taken for the progress of the society. Being critical is best; but not at the start of the project please.

The Gambhir Case of Shahid Afridi

Yes. Gambhir, very very Ghambir. Why? Because India is Gambhir (complex, not simple).

On April 2, 2008, hours before the Cricket World Cup Final, Indian batsman Gautam Gambhir vowed to win the cup for the Mumbai 2008 victims.

On April 5, 2008, Pakistan Captain Shahid Afridi lashed on Indian media and towards Gautam Gambhir's statement.

Minutes later, the Indian and Pakistani media went hay-wire to sell the new "controversial" story, and the honeymoon was over.

The Red We Want in Pakistan and India

It is Red. It is thick; and both sides of the people want to have it. No matter what the season is, this red liquid is popular.

Earlier today, Soumojit Basu, one of the guys that I know from India, stated on Facebook:

The best thing about the Indian summer is that its predictable for 3 months.

This status of his, started an sort of argument on the lines where Summer extends longer; India or Pakistan. Like most of the comparison topics, it was a silly argument. However to end it, I gave up by declining my intentions (not reals one) to move to Delhi.

An hour later, during my lunch time, I saw a push-cart with a banner that had glasses full of red liquid. The first thing that popped in my mind after looking at that was Rooh Afza.

Somewhere in early 1900s, Hakeem Hafiz Abdul Majeed formulated a potent potion which was as red as blood. He called it Rooh Afza where Rooh means 'Spirit' and Afza means 'Nourishment'. This syrup consists of herbal and fruit extracts. It is a popular syrup for making a variety of drinks and delicacies. Milk mixed in Rooh Afza is always appreciated on both sides of the border. Mix it with water and some lemon juice; and you get a drink which makes your heart jump for joy on a very rainy day.

As time has passed, Rooh Afza has kept its special place in our South Asian hearts. Fruit concentrates like Tang never replaced it entirely. Furthermore, a new array of fusion drinks have popped up. Rooh Afza is not just syrup for making summer drinks. The drink is being used to make Indian alcoholic drinks. Furthermore, it is used to flavor cupcake frosting as well.

The syrup was invented by a Muslim in a Hindu-majority country during the time when Muslims were not doing good. When borders were drawn in 1947 between India and Pakistan, Hakim Mohammed Said (Shaheed-e-Pakistan) crossed the borders to expand the business of Hamdard Laboratories. Meanwhile, his brother Hakim Abdul Hameed handled the Indian arm. Similar things happened when Bangladesh got its independence in 1972.

Rooh Afza is not only a product, but it is source of inspiration as well. This product shows that once you understand the heart, the mind gets nourished itself. People in all the three countries have accepted this product in their own lifestyles. Even with our major and minor differences, a common man of these three countries would love to have this red liquid. It symbolizes that an investment in the region for its people is beneficial. Hamdard is one of the largest and most recognized South Asian brand in the world.

Hence, next time if the leadership of both countries sit down to talk something, how about they do it over a glass of Rooh Afza drink. It is the shade of red that the public like.

The Arti-What?

On the April 4 2011, the Express Tribune published these lines which are a part of an op-ed:

A concise look at the history of Pakistan suggests that if Quaid-i-Azam, Muhammad Ali Jinnah was the maker of Pakistan, then Quaid-i-Awam, Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto was its architect.

Yes. Wash your eyes, folks. The sentence is a masterpiece; it contains both Jinnah and Bhutto in the same sentence. This sentence arrives from the mind of Sharmila Farooqi, one of  the mouthpieces of Pakistan People's Party. Her usage of words made me run for my dictionary because my sense of vocabulary failed when I saw the word 'architect'. As I consulted the internet (you thought I would check it on a paperback) for the meaning of this word, I found out the The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language has an alternate meaning. The meaning was:

One that plans or devises.

Indeed, Mr. Bhutto was an architect. Everyone remembers what a terrible mess that he along with his PPP leadership created for Pakistan. His plan was to be in power at any cost, and he got in power by costing us Bangladesh and many precious lives.If I ever end writing the alphabets describing the Pakistan's People Party, I think B would the worst letter to deal with. Yes, I can use the word "Bhutto" but that does not sum up everything that this party is currently and has always been. The "B" that I would use would be Baloney.

مبارک ہو انڈیا!

 کرکٹ کا ورلڈ کپ مبارک ہو!

آج ذرا دو ٹوک بات ہوجائے. انڈیا جیت گیا اور ہم ہار گئے. یہ ایک سچ ہے اور اب اسکو تسلیم کرلینا چاہیے بنسبت اسکے کہ ہم اس بات کا تعین کریں کہ کس نے کسکو کتنا دیا اور آیا کہ یہ فائنل پہلے سے طے شدہ تھا یا نہی. مجھے پتہ ہے لوگ میرے جانی دشمن ہوجائیں گے جب اس بلوگ کو آگے پڑھیں گے.

دیکھئے، بات بہت چھوٹی سی ہے. دشمن ہم انڈیا کو مانتے ہیں مگر نقصان اپنا کرتے ہیں. انڈیا سے میچ ہماری ٹیم ہاری اور ہم نے اپنے ٹی وی توڑے. بجائے اسکے کہ ہم اپنی ٹیم کا دکھ سمجھتے، ہم نے نہ آؤ دیکھا نہ تاؤ شروع کر قیاس آرائی کہ حکومت نے پیسے لیے ہیں. مانا کہ حکومت اچھی نہی مگر کیا ٢٠٠٨ میں ووٹ ڈالنے گئے تھے جو اب اتنی تنفید کر رہے ہیں. بیچارے لڑکوں نے محنت کی ہے کہ ملک کا نام بہتر ہو مگر ہم تو خود اپنے دشمن ہیں. 

جی ہاں، انڈیا نے ہم سے دشمنی کر کے ہم کو فائدہ ہی دیا ہے. اگر انڈیا سے تعلقات اچھے ہوتے تو کیا ہماری فوج اتنی ترقی کرتی. بلکل نہی. سیاسی دشمنی تو انڈیا سے ہے ہماری مگر سماجی طور پی ہم خود اپنے دشمن ہیں. پاکستان دنیا کا گیارواں غریب ترین ملک ہے جہاں ٥٠ فیصد بچے ایک سطر تک نہیں پڑھ سکتے، جہاں ہر منٹ ایک بچہ انتقال کر جاتا ہے. پاکستان میں خود کوئی ذمداری نہیں لیتا. ذمہ داری سری حکومت کی ہے اور پڑھا لکھا طبقہ ووٹ ڈالنے جاۓ گا نہیں. اگر پوچھو کیوں تو جواب ملے گا سب چور ہیں. پوچھو کہ کسی ایماندار آدمی کو تلاش کرنے کی کوشش کی تو جواب ملے گا کہ نہیں. اور اگر پڑھا لکھا طبقہ یہ کرتا ہے تو جاہل طبقے چھوڑ دیں. وہ بیچارہ قسمت کا مارا، اسکو صحیح اور غلط کا کون بتائے. وہ تو وہ کرے گا جو سردار کہےگا.

انڈیا ہم سے اس معملے میں بہتر ہے. جب وہاں انتخابات کا وقت آتا ہے تو وہاں کی عوام ووٹ ڈالنے جاتی ہے اور وہاں کی حکومت کو پتہ ہے کہ وہ عوام کے نمایندے ہیں. ذرا ہیر پھیر کی اور اگلی حکومت میں انکی بری نہیں آئے گی. وہاں کا آدمی جانتا ہے کہ علم میں اسکی اور اسکے خاندان کی بہتری ہے. پندرہ سال پہلے تک انڈیا اور ہمارے مسائل ایک جیسے تھے مگر انڈین عوام نے ہمیشہ سمجھداری سے کام لیا اور موقع ملنے پر اپنے ووٹ کا صحیح استعمال کیا. آج جہاں انڈیا موجود ہے وہاں جیت اسکا مقدار ہے. یہ سب محنت کا کمال ہے اور میں یہ جانتا ہوں کہ پاکستان سے زیادہ محنتی قوم شاید ہی ہو.

اگر ہم ایک سال میں طوفان اور سیلاب کا سامنا کرکے اپنی مدد کرسکتے ہیں تو پھر تھوڑی توجہ اور ذمہ داری سی کام لے کے ہم بھی اپنے ملک کی قسمت بدل سکتے ہیں. وقت آگیا ہے کہ تنفید چھوڑی جائے اور کچھ کیا جاۓ. دو سال کے اندر نئے انتخابات ہونگے. ابھی سے چند ایک ایماندار لوگ تلاش کریں اور انکو آنے والے انتخاب میں ووٹ کریں. 

Let's cook up a conspiracy!

Very recently, a Pakistani doctor claims that our society has gone nuts. He claims that we see conspiracies everywhere. At start, I thought he was a crack-pot too but then it seems that he might be right.

Yousuf Raza Gilani ne 7 arab rupey liye hain Pakistan ki haar k liye jis mein Misbah, Umer Gul, Kamran Akmal and Younus Khan shamil hain! 

Yousuf Gilani adhay adhay ghantay tak Afridi ko convince karnay ki koshish ki match kay dawraan kay woh match harjayein par woh nahi mana baaki sab maangaye jinhon nay perform nahi kiya

Yousuf Raza Gilani ki baat na manney se jab Afridi ne inkaar kiya tu us ki family ko maarne ki dhamki di gae, is k bawajood bhi us ne kohshish ki magr nakaam ho gaya! Or phir wo apni nation se sorry karne k baad dressing room mein ja k ro parey! We are proud of you, Afridi! 

[Translation: Yousuf Raza Gilani has received 70 million rupees in return for the loss of Pakistan (author rolls eyes). Misbah, Umar Gul, Kamran Akmal and Younus Khan are all involved (author's reaction: omg! yawn!). Yousuf Raza Gilani talked with Shahid Afridi for half an hour but he plainly refused. Ones who took the offer are the players that did not perform. When Shahid Afridi refused this offer from Yousuf Raza Gilani, Afridi's family was threatened (in India, orly!). He tried his level best but he failed (RESPECT!)! And then he apologized to nation (NOTHING but RESPECT!) and when to his room and cried (He must have been scared of the thrashing he would get from the 'Jihadi' lot).]

First, whoever wrote this must have spelt in his or her school days. Furthermore, people who forwarded are jerks too. Why? Nobody saw that Pakistan was written with a small p. Writing your country's name with a small alphabet is blasphemous. It shows disrespect. 

Second, I know India is filthy rich but they are not going to spend 35 billion Indian Rupees for a stupid cricket match. Especially on a match that they could win easily. Thank God, we did not have Shoaib Mirza Malik as the captain. People would have said that the captain threw the game to make his Indian susral happy, or Sania promised to get pregnant if Pakistan loses. We might be 'oh so proud' with Afridi but lets not forget, he made mistakes too just the way Misbah, Kamran, Younus and Umar did. Afridi did not use the Power Play efficiently. He sent Umar Gul once and again, even though it was not working. Furthermore, if Afridi was offered to rig the match then he would have suspected unusual behaviors. Why didn't Afridi use the replacement wicket-keeper? Why did only Kamran's name appears in the message? Why not his brother Umar's name, who gave 30 important runs? Why did Misbah-ul-Haq stuck till the end, if he was included? Honestly, everyone should realize that they need to quit pointing fingers. Our team was not the one for this World Cup. This team was very young and quite inexperienced. Some of these guys were playing their first ODI against arch-rival India. 

Third, Afridi had the reasons to cry if he ever did. Afridi has turned out to be a great leader. He took responsibility not only for his actions, but for the entire team. He accepted failure when it was due. No excuses or anything; he just apologized. He showed great posture in front of the cameras, even after losing. He has been going under a lot of pressure and then he knew that there would be people back home talking utter non-sense about him and then team. Certainly, the man would break in his privacy.

Fourth, all the haters: FUCKING GROW UP. There is no gossip in here. Did you see any Australian television station throwing mud on their players? England has the world-renowned tabloid, News of the World; the gossip of the English side failing miserably in the World Cup would have been a great story. But did we see anything from there? No! Great nations support their teams even if they have failed. I wish I would have skipped these lines but the role that Mubashir Luqman (Dunya TV) and Rana Mubashir (News ONE) have been very irresponsible. Instead of having a sound discussion about the team's performance, their stories were to find the controversy and sell it. Furthermore, the "OMG! My Life is in Danger" Wicket-keeper Zulqurnain Haider should come clean now. That dude's intention are now looking fairly shady. If he has some evidence then he should put it on the table, rather than yapping away.

Thankfully, there have been a vast majority of people who understood why Pakistan did not win. A lot of people that I know understand that this Pakistani team was destined for good things but not great things. There was a lack of exposure and experience. However, one thing strikes out in this silly gossip-infested SMS. Our leadership has no credibility left. Whoever it gets associate with, the other party is known as corrupt too. Rather than scandalizing our cricket team, shouldn't we look at the unity and the hope it got us. No, why should we... those things are for 'versus India only'.